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I'm 13, going on 14, and I would greatly appreciate it if you did not judge me by my age. I first started having problems with my weight at about six years old; I wanted to go on a diet at the time and hated my legs. Even at such a young age, I would look at photos of myself and I would want to throw them away. I had the tendancy to compare myself with others. By the time I was in third grade, I refused to wear skirts, or anything that would show my legs, and I have never shown them since then. Around the age of nine or ten, my hatred for my legs grew into a hatred for my belly, and it just got to the point where I didn't like anything on my body. At that age, I started to actually do something about the way I looked, although I really did not know what I was doing. I would cut certain things from my diet and imitate what I saw in movies and on the telivision in an attempt to lose weight. These minor behaviours lasted several years, and without my knowledge, they slowly got out of control.

I purged for the first time at age eleven, and for what seemed like forever, I simply purged up everything I ate. I was in a terrible state of mind then, and there where alot of crazy things going on with me.. It was actually more of an attempt to get rid of my problems rather than lose weight. I slowly transfered to binge-eating, and started to gain lots of weight. I wasn't really aware of anything that was happening, either. It was like I was on auto-pilot for half of my life. (It has to do with the things that where going on in my life at the time, and I was on anti-depressants) For a very long time, I simply wallowed in my self-hatred and constantly stuffed my face. I felt pathetic.

That all changed when I began attending a private school a few years later. The majority of the girls there where skinny, and they appeared perfect. The school consisted mainly of Scientologists, so they where all very body-conscious, goal-oriented, and all around succesful people. I began to skip lunches, and would sometimes throw away my lunch completely. Around that time I became a vegitarian just so I could lose weight. I ended up not eating breakfast or lunch, but I usually ate dinner.

Later on I became a vegan, still with weight-loss in mind. (I have many other reasons for that now, by the way. Trust me.) That's when it really started to spin out of control. I would constantly be going on diets that consisted of 200 calories a day or fewer, and if I went over I would really beat myself up about it. I got into fasting soon enough, and would go several days without eating, but they would always end with a binge. My weight continued to fluctuate throughout those couple of years, as did my diets. My life spun out of control and before I knew it, anorexia had become the biggest part in my life.



-Notice that this has not been updated in FOREVER, but I'm keeping it here for future reference. I have nothing better to put here anyways. -

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